Some Thoughts In Sepia.

Why is it that movies with happy endings make me sad? Their happy smiling faces, arm in arm with one and other. I have a big family. And I am close with them. But it’s the family at home that I crave. I want the perfect white picket fence family that you see on magazines and tv.  Being lonely is lonely. I think that’s why I like watching movies. It makes me feel included. I suffer their pain and laugh at their jokes. Then when the movie comes to an end, I’m forced to enter my world again. A world where watching movies, distracts me from being alone.

A few weeks ago i applied for a leadership position at school. I didn’t think i would get it, but thought i would anyway, because if i did get the position that i wanted, i would get to be involved in the schools decision making, and that could be really interesting. Anyway today i was informed that i got the position that i wanted. I was lost for words. I know that nowadays this saying is commonly used, and people often say it when they were not lost for words. But i actually was. I stood there shaking my teachers hand for about 2 minutes not saying anything. Every time i went to say something it sounded wrong or i couldn’t put it in a sentence or something. I think i have canneverputasentencetogether syndrome.

Now i feel i am superior than everyone else. Like the school wants me. They didn’t have to choose me, but they did. It’s like i have some importance, and it feels nice.

This is my second year of studying philosophy. Last year philosophy made sense, but now this year i don’t understand anything. It’s my first Unit 3 SAC tomorrow, and i’m in panic mode. I can’t remember anything that we have studied. All that i can remember is that Socrates was the ugliest man in Athens, and that my teachers cat is named Fluffy. Why is it that i only remember the insignificant details? Why can’t i remember the important things? Well at least i’ve learnt to question my thinking, and i suppose thats philosophical…

When i’m in bed trying to get to sleep, I always seem to make myself a list of things I ether want to do, or need to do. My list last night was:

-Find out where ‘Dobsons’ (the place where I get my school uniform) sources the school dress material, so I can make my own school dress, that will have a different shape, but will have the same fabric.

-Finish my English practice SAC

-Write half a page on democracy for Global Politics

-Drink Chai

-Clean up room

But I kept coming back to this one thing how I wanted to change my room interiors, colours, furniture, floors, walls, windows, quirky things, etc. 

But as we are renting the house i live in, this is a very distant dream…

I have always been interested in architecture but mainly how to place everything in the interiors to make the room/building work as a whole. This is when I had my ‘realisation,’ I want to be an industrial interior designer! I’m in year 11 this year, so the majority of my friends know what they want to do ether in uni or the general future, and I have just said ‘I suppose I want to do something arty’ but now I can say ‘I want to be an industrial interior designer!’

I just hope i’m doing the right prerequisites to get into the corse…